At Least He Has Good Aim

Last night I was roused from my dreamy sleep by a little four-year-old voice announcing the dreaded, "Mommy, my tummy doesn't feel so good." So, I did the logical thing and nudged my husband. He put little Jack on the toilet, but I knew that wasn't the problem, so I heaved myself out of bed just in time to usher my little boy back into the bathroom.

And, no surprise, he threw up.

In that moment, all that flashed before my eyes was a sleepless night ahead of soothing my child, cleaning up vomit and wishing, just wishing, I could go back to sleep.

But, I believe in looking for the little miracles in life, so I was very proud of my guy when he puked right in the toilet. Not drop of acrid-smelling saliva on the floor. Nothing to clean up. What a sweetheart -- and he has good aim.

Luckily, after he got settled into bed he went right back to sleep and didn't have any more emergency trips to the bathroom. And this morning has been uneventful as well. After I talked with another mom from Jack's preschool, who informed that the Norwalk virus was going around the school and half the kids were away yesterday, it seems we're getting off lightly.

Yes, there seems to be bright side, even to the stomach flu.

They're Out to Get Me

No, I'm not talking about CSIS, the FBI, the boogeymen or other sinister characters... I'm talking about my kids.

Slowly, through a campaign of annoyance, not listening, fighting with each other, breaking things, interrupting, and all-talking-at-the-same-time, they are going to drive me insane. I think... I know ... my husband shares my thoughts. If you may recall, THE top item on by 2011 list of resolutions was to have more patience as a parent. Hardly two weeks into the new year and I'm feeling less patient than ever.

It's a familiar pattern of behaviour that I can well-document:
1. I'm doing something with Child A
2. Child B interrupts
3. I remind Child B to wait until I have finished talking with Child A
4. Child B keeps on talking, despite the reminder
5. Child C comes into the situation and talks over Child B
6. Child A loses interest in what I was doing with them
7. I try to refocus Child A
8. Children B & C start fighting with each other because I am not paying attention to them.
... and finally, like a well-scripted play, I lose my patience and yell at the whole lot of them.

If someone can help me break the cycle, I welcome all advice. Maybe I should start watching SuperNanny to get some tips? Or self-medicating? A friend of mine, who is also a mother of three, thinks we should tell our family we are going out for groceries and never come back. Hmm... tempting.

All I know is that parenting is the hardest job out there. It's something I have to work at everyday, and I don't know if I'm getting any better at it. But still, I will try to make 2011 the year I take a deep breath and remember that I love my children.

Goodbye 2010; Hello 2011

Yes, it's that time of year to reflect on the past and look forward to the future. And what better place to do than in my long-neglected blog. (Is anybody still out there???)

Looking back, I would have to say that 2010 was a pretty good year for me and my family. Oh sure there were challenges, including our ongoing concerns with Charlotta's seizures and the news that she would need major back surgery to correct her scoliosis. But in the glass-half-full spirit of this blog, I need to acknowledge that some really great things have happened too:

• Our family (and extended family) are all relatively healthy and doing well.
• Last Easter I got to take my younger daughter Ashley to Toronto to visit my Dad who has Alzheimer's and is in a nursing home.
• Our kids are getting older and -- if I can be honest -- it's getting more fun and easier to do things with them.
• We had lots of fun getting caught up in the Winter Olympics that took place in Vancouver -- it was a great thing to experience!
• We "reclaimed" the basement suite in our house and now have an amazing, renovated basement to use as additional living space. This is has actually been HUGE in terms of our family dynamic and the words "go down and play in the basement" have a way of automatically rolling off our tongue these days.
• We've gotten to know some families in our neighbourhood and have made some new friends. We're also making more of an effort to stay in touch with old friends.

What will 2011 bring? It's hard to know, but there are some things that I would like to focus on:

• Being a more patient parent (oh yes, this tops the list)
• Exercising more (what New Year's resolution list would be complete without that one?)
• Trying to not sweat the small stuff and not dwell on decisions or situations that are out of my control.
• Communicating/talking/connecting more with my husband (Ladies, you know what I'm talking about, right?)
• Taking my vitamins everyday.
  
• Keeping our house free of clutter, which involves knowing when to throw out/donate/recycle things as well as being more thoughtful about what I purchase ("Do I really need that extra serving platter even if it is on sale?")
• Eating and serving more whole, unprocessed foods for me and my family and less processed, packaged foods. (To this end, I plan to bake chocolate chip oatmeal cookies with the kids tomorrow in preparation for back-to-school lunches).
• Living in the moment and not planning/worrying/thinking about what's going to happen tonight/tomorrow/next week.
• And probably three other things that I haven't thought about yet...

If anyone happens to be reading this post, why don't you tell me what was great about 2010 or what you resolve to do in 2011...

Life in the Fast Lane

Do you ever drive a well-known route, say to or from work, and realize when you get to your destination that you can't recall exactly how you got there. The details are all a blur -- all you know is that you left your house this morning, and now you're in the parking spot at your office.

That's how I feel about the last six weeks.

One moment I was enjoying the last lazy days of summer, and now I'm enjoying leftover turkey soup. Blink.

It got me to wondering if I'm really 'living in the moment.' Not to sound too Oprah, but when life seems to be rushing by like this, I do wonder if I'm actually living each moment, or just looking ahead to the destination and not enjoying the journey. Life is zooming along with kids, work deadlines, house projects, social activities, etc, that each and every day seems incredibly full and offers no opportunity for reflection.

Sometimes I feel that I'm too busy doing things and looking ahead to what needs to get done, that I don't enjoy the 'now' and aren't really in touch with the moment. Each day feels like one big to-do list, and the only way I get satisfaction is if at least 3/4 of the items are checked off by the time I go to bed. Is that really what life should be about? Getting 'stuff done'?

You often hear about people who go through illness or some other life-changing event and, well, it really changes their lives. They say that each day is a gift and they live it to its fullest -- Carpe Diem and all that. Am I in need of a life-changing event to get me off of the fast lane and stopping to smell the roses? (sorry about the mixed metaphors) Maybe I just need to stop making to-do lists? Or maybe I need to stop looking at the clock/calendar and start looking closer at the faces (including the little ones) of the people in my life?

I'm looking for inspiration. Next up on the car stereo for my commute-to-work audio book: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

When You've Had a Bad Day...

We all have those days, don't we? When you feel that nothing is going your way, when a situation at home or at work is stressful, and you can't seem to see beyond the problem. You complain about your life, you feel sorry for yourself and even ask 'why me?'

Here's a little something to put your life in perspective: Nick Vujicic was born with no arms and no legs, yet somehow he manages to have this amazingly positive outlook on life and does so many things you don't think he's even be capable of. He is thankful for what he has, and embraces life with humour and endless possibility.

As another blogger, who brought him to my attention, said, "He focuses not on his body, not on the world woe, but on all the things he is grateful for. He doesn't ask 'why me', he just decides he can do it. He can do anything. I don't feel sorry for him - I feel a bit envious of his inherent gratitude and knowledge of how to use it. I am in awe of his ability to take his own "defects" and turn them around to instill confidence in young girls, to teach them that they are beautiful."

After watching this video, have another look at your life and see all the potential that is there.

Back Home

We were finally paroled (er... discharged) from the hospital yesterday afternoon, and it feels good to be home. It felt even better to sleep with the lights off last night... in my own bed. I'm sure Charlotta felt the same.

As arduous as the EEG monitoring was, I'm so glad we did it. I had a good talk with the nurse just before we left the hospital, and she said that they had gotten a lot of good data about Charlotta's seizures. When the doctor has a chance to review and analyze the recordings, it should provide us with some insight as to how best to further treat Charlotta seizures and what some good options might be. It looks like brain surgery might still be on the table, but she also told me more about another option called the Vagus Nerve Simulator (VNS). The VNS is a sort of pace-maker that gets implanted just under the collar bone and is attached to the vagal nerve, which is a 'super-highway' to the brain. The VNS sends out electrical impulses every couple of minutes, and this has been shown to decrease seizures in some patients. The doctors don't know quite how or why it works, and it doesn't work on every one the same way, but it might be worth a try.

We'll know more in a few weeks when we have a follow-up visit with the doctor. For now, we're going to enjoy our freedom and a weekend trip to Whistler!

Video Intensive EEG Monitoring

For the last 30 hours, I have been confined to a hospital room with my daughter Charlotta as she undergoes Video Intensive EEG Monitoring. As I have mentioned before, she has epilepsy and has had seizures since birth. We have been on a variety of medications over the years, as well as the Ketogenic diet for 4+ years, but nothing has ever seemed to stop her seizures completely. She still has between 5-10 small seizures a day.

Last year, her neurologist wanted to take a broader look at some other treatment options to get her seizures under control. One of the options she mentioned was surgery (yes, as in brain surgery) to remove the particular part of her brain that was the starting point for the seizures. After my husband and I had picked up our mouths off the floor, the Dr explained that surgery was an under-utilized but quite effect treatment in the right circumstances. Those circumstances being that the seizures were indeed stemming from one particular place. In order to determine where the seizures are coming from, we were referred to a three (or more) day session at the hospital where they would monitor her brain waves 24/7.

Fast forward to today: Day 2 of our EEG monitoring. So far, she has had a number of typical seizures -- which is good, because you want to capture as much seizure brainwave activity as possible. The downside to all of this is trying to keep an active 10-year-old girl entertained while being confined to a bed. She has 35 electrical leads glued (literally, epoxied) onto her scalp, which are held in place by a netting cap and attached to a 15 foot cord which is attached into the wall of the hospital room. We have exactly enough cord length to go to the bathroom. Now I know what those poor dogs feel like who are left tethered to a stake in the backyard!

I have to observe Charlotta at all times, and whenever I see any seizure activity I need to press an indicator button as well as write it down on a log sheet. Did I mention that we are also videotaped 24 hours a day and that the lights have to stay on in the room at all times so that the video recording will be visible and that I'm not allowed to open the window or even the blinds in the room as that will also mess with the lighting for the video recording and that she was on orders to get only 4 hours of sleep last night because sleep deprivation can be a trigger for seizures?

OK, I know I sound like I'm complaining, but I do realize in the end that this information will be helpful in the treatment of her seizures even if she's not a candidate for surgery. I am grateful that we have this kind of service available to us, and that it's so close to home. Plus, I've had some great visits from family members to help pass the time.

It is also a very humbling experience to be on the Neurology ward of Children's Hospital and see all the other kids who are much worse off than my own. It reminds me that good health is a true gift and that we should remember to appreciate our healthy children.


Through it all, Charlotta has been a real trooper. She actually likes hospital food, thinks it's a real thrill to be able to eat in bed, and loves having Mom all to herself to play Barbies with ... talk about a glass-half-full kid!